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Martin Buber once wrote: “A person becomes an I only through a Thou.”
I learned this when I was trying to break free from my addictions. I wanted to quit drinking, but the people around me encouraged the opposite. I didn’t want to erase those friendships but I had to change the terms. Afternoon coffees instead of late nights. Early mornings instead of empty mornings. The friendships stayed. The destructive patterns faded.
Here are 3 truths I took from that experience:
• Environments shape behavior: The cues around us drive our actions more than willpower does. When you change the setting, you change the habit.
Example: Meeting friends at lunch instead of at a bar makes sobriety effortless, not a daily struggle.
• Systems replace self-control: Discipline isn’t about force, it’s about designing routines and social contracts that leave you no choice but to improve.
Example: Agreeing to train with a friend at 6 a.m. ensures you’ll show up, even on days you don’t feel like it.
• Identity is contagious: We become who we spend time with. Surround yourself with people who embody the values you aspire to, and their habits become yours.
Example: Working alongside colleagues who value focus makes deep work feel natural instead of forced.
This marks the last of my personal stories for October, in recognition of the UN’s Mental Health Month. Over the past four weeks, I’ve shared how new ideologies, new routines, and new environments helped me escape my own spirals and how these same principles can reshape any life.
Next week we’ll return to this newsletter’s usual focus: future technologies, neuroscience life hacks, and the tools leaders can use to thrive in an AI-driven world.
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